I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
