it wasn't lemon gatorade
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Randomize
