and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize