i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
