I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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