Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
