Define "chronic" masturbator.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
