I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
