You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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