If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Enjoy the penises
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
