My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
