The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
