apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
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