he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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