I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
