There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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