chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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