He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
