yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
