I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
