just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
