After last night, I could never be a politician.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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