I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
