If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I have post one night stand depression
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
