the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
