Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Drunk is a universal language darling
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
