I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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