There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize