just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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