so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Sorry about my life...
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
