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hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
COCAINE IS GR8
Randomize
