I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
