Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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