seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
