Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
