We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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