i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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