I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
