and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
