This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
