this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
