i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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