If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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