Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
