I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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