He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
