Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize