i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
