If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
