Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
