OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
