I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
