and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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