i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
