Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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