I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize