they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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