you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
