she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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