I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
