I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
