I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Green mimosas i think yes
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
