When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
